Have you been feeling overwhelmed and powerless? Do you feel like your emotions are out of control? Are little things in your day to day life setting you off? If you’ve answered yes to any of those questions, this post is for you.

Life is chaotic, a never ending stream of change. We lose past experiences and relationships, sometimes abruptly and without time to prepare or process. Life can seem like a continuous provider of stress and discomfort – but it doesn’t have to.

Life’s chaos only truly affects us when we react to it, so we have the power to control when and how it affects us by managing our perspective.

Things happen all the time: someone cuts you off on the highway, you miss an important deadline at work, you forget it’s street sweeping day and find a parking ticket on your car. These are the realities of everyday of life. That’s the way things are, that’s how they happened. They are objective facts that can be observed and agreed upon.

When we react to those things, we disturb our inner peace. Think of your reactions as a way of fighting reality: “how dare they cut me off?” “we worked so hard, how is it possible we didn’t complete the project in time?” “how stupid am I for forgetting it’s street sweeping day?” and so on.

From this perspective, inner peace isn’t so much built as it is restored. We don’t need to find peace, we need to stop disturbing it – allowing it to return by accepting reality instead of fighting it.

This is much easier said than done, we have been conditioned from a young age to continuously judge and react to our surroundings. It is how our brains are wired, but we can rewire those neural pathways and change how we respond to the events of life by shifting to and maintaining a new perspective.

Your perspective is the way you view the world and yourself in it. Controlling it is where your true power lies, it is the baseline for how you approach life.

For instance, you could hold the victim’s perspective, seeing the world as a hostile place that is out to get you. You then act as if that is true, reinforcing the perspective in a loop: something happens, you react as the victim, more situations arise based on you playing the role of the victim, you react again – it’s a vicious cycle that serves to strengthen your position as a victim.

Alternatively, you could hold the student’s perspective, seeing the world as a limitless provider of learning opportunities that allow you to grow and develop. You then act as if that is true, finding that each and every experience – whether painful or pleasurable – is glorious nutrition for your soul, you respond with gratitude and acceptance, present and ready to learn from each new experience. You grow and refine your perspective continuously, taking advantage of the opportunities to do so in each moment.

The trick is maintaining that student’s perspective. This requires presence of mind, non-reactivity, and mental diligence to observe when, where, and with whom you tend to become reactive and lose that perspective.

Shifting to Non-Reactivity

When I talk about being reactive, I mean the tendency to automatically react to external stimuli. For instance, if someone yells at you, you yell back – or if someone cuts you off, you take it personally and get mad. There is no gap between the external event and your reaction to it. Think of it as being on an autopilot system that runs based on your preferences and aversions to different experiences. In this reactive state, you are unconsciously shaping the flow of change and therefore may accidentally instigate situations you thought you were avoiding.

In contrast, non-reactivity is the tendency to have an internal pause between the external stimuli and your response. That gap between the event and your response allows you to make a conscious decision on how to respond. You can reevaluate and choose to let it go, preventing it from affecting your inner peace. Instead of being on autopilot, you are consciously choosing how to act – thus consciously shaping the flow of change.

It’s perfectly natural that we all get caught up in a reactive state of mind from time to time, but how often are you reactive vs non-reactive?

In order to shift to non-reactivity, we must be diligent and observe the types of situations that push us into a reactive state of mind. Doing so allows us to learn about the types of events that trigger us strongly, so that when we experience those events in the future we can prepare ourselves by slowing down, breathing, and choosing how to respond instead of automatically reacting.

Take note of how it feels to be reactive, does it feel turbulent? Does it feel like your emotions are out of control? Do you feel scattered?

Next, how does it feel to be non-reactive? Do you feel calm and in control? Does it feel peaceful and relaxed? Do you feel that the power of choice is back in your hands?

When you’re in a reactive state things happen and you react to them, your internal state is determined by whatever is happening in life.

When you slow down and breathe, placing attention on your senses and actively appreciating your existence, you become non-reactive. It sometimes feels like limitless joy, nearly to the point of overwhelm. The things going on around you don’t affect you inside, your sense of internal peace and contentment is unshakable by them.

Non-reactivity provides you the freedom to choose how you feel and how you act. It keeps you centered, balanced, and allows you to maintain inner peace despite the chaos around you.

Is Non-Reactivity Practical?

You may think that being non-reactive could potentially inhibit you from taking appropriate action when necessary – think again.

When you are reactive, your actions are likely based out of fear, anger, or sadness when difficult or stressful situations arise. Therefore your decisions are likely rushed and perhaps taken without much consideration for the people around you and their well-being.

Comparatively, when you are non-reactive your actions are calculated. You can choose to act out of love, the highest motivation. Instead of reacting out of pain, you can choose to act from your heart. With the mental gap between the event and your response to it, you can consider those around you and take the course of action that best serves everyone.

Being non-reactive allows you to respond to the events of life in a calm and calculated way, so you can consciously shape the change you experience for the better.

Maintenance through Observation

To maintain the Student’s Perspective it helps to learn when and how you are drawn out of that perspective and into a reactive mind state.

This requires patient observation of the mind. As you go about your day, observe how you respond to the situations that come up.

How is your mind handling your daily commute? Are you patient and yielding, or rushed and competitive? If someone cuts you off, do you spiral into reactivity or let it be?

How does your mind handle disagreements at work? Are you defensive, or can you entertain the other’s perspective?

When technology breaks or slows down, how do you respond? Do you get increasingly frustrated, or do you take a breath and think of alternative solutions?

The point here isn’t to judge yourself, but rather to learn about yourself. Carry a small notebook and briefly note the situations where you tend to be reactive.

Soon you’ll have a list of the events that tend to draw a strong reaction. By bringing these trigger points to your conscious attention, the next time one of those situations arises you will be able to better anticipate and avoid becoming reactive.

This practice of self-observation and correction will allow you to maintain the natural state of inner peace.  The more you observe and practice non-reactivity, the less you will be disturbed by the events of life, and the more you will be able to act from a place of love and compassion.

Be at Peace with your Non-Peace

This work is ongoing, be easy on yourself: social conditioning can be deeply rooted and frustrating to deal with. Let go of attachment to the outcome – becoming attached to the idea of finding inner peace can keep you from realizing it.

The real work is accepting yourself fully, your non-peace and all. It is totally possible to return to inner peace through full acceptance of not being at peace.

Stay tuned, my next post will be a deeper look at the path of acceptance/allowance.